Canadian History: Cannon Fodder (The War Years)

(World War One.) Allied Commander: Although this offensive runs a risk of costing ninety-seven percent casualties, it is only a risk. The enemy has erected pillboxes to cover every square inch of the first hundred meters of your charge with a murderous phalanx of machine gun fire. Beyond that are mines, barbed wire and more machine guns. If you break through that, there will be nothing against you but tanks and artillery. Who wants to go? (Silence.) All right, I guess I've used up all my volunteers. Let's be sporting then. Who knows who won Lord Stanley's Cup for ice hockey in 1902? Canadian: The Winnipeg Victorias? Allied Commander: Correct. Your division will lead the assault. (World War Two.) Allied Commander: Because this operation is amphibious, you will need to dodge torpedoes, Stuka dive bombers, and paddle through a ten foot high defensive ring of fire before you get to the foot of the cliff. From there, the enemy will be directly above you, heavily fortified behind a maze of concrete machine gun pillboxes separated by razor wire. Now they're likely to have V2 rockets pointed at your heads as you cast your climbing ropes, so be careful. Who wants to go? (Silence.) I see. Well then, we'll have to choose a brave volunteer by elimination. Who can tell me how many a's are in Saskatchewan? Canadian: Four? Allied Commander: Incorrect. Your division will lead the assault.
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